Bali

The Kuta Trap.

The idea was to hit Bali in the off-season/wet season, get lucky and score some uncrowded perfection. There are endless opportunities for surfers arriving in Bali. Java, Nusa Lembongan, Lombok, and Sumbawa are all only a boat ride away. However, we wanted to do the trip on a budget, so we settled in Bali. We had planned to surf all day, do a bit of training and eat healthy. Sounds easy!

Off-season Bali is a bit hit and miss. We had booked our flights in advance so the luxury of watching the chart was out of the question.

We based ourselves at Padang Padang, one of the best and most dangerous waves in Bali. Padang Padang is a 40 minute journey South west of Kuta and sits between a host of grinding left hand reefs including Uluwatu. It’s a good place to be based with the whole of the Bukit peninsula within a short drive and quick access to the east or west coasts if conditions change. Its also very quiet as this area predominantly breaks in their winter.

We were surfing Uluwatu most mornings and taking daily trips up the coast to Nusa Dua and Karamus. The surf was small and the forecast didn’t seem to be that good with 1 or 2 days at the end of the week showing a bit more promise. During that first week we checked spot after spot, surfed a few times a day, but had nothing great. We were all waiting for the small pulse that was forecast.

I was up early the morning the swell was meant to arrive, it was dark and raining, and couldn’t help but think that the trip had been doomed from the start.

I got the boys together and we headed for Nusa Dua. We found a hollow fast right a quick drive from the main break. It looked good and the boys were amping to get out there.

All the boys were having good waves. Colm and Rowan were getting some sick pigdogs and Matt seemed to be in his element in the draining little waves. We surfed this for about 2 hours until the tide got too low and it became unbearably shallow. All the boys were in high hopes after finally getting waves, Matt was relieved we had got a few shots as he had to go home to Oz the next morning.

The swell peaked that afternoon and we were expected better things for the next day.

Colm and I met up with Josh and Marky, we checked the right hander but it seemed like a different swell direction so we tried a spot a little further up the coast. It looked good and there was no one out. The boys were loving it. They were getting shacked and spirits were high. None of us were sure of the name of this wave, but we could all see that with a solid swell it had the potential to be world class.

Although Bali is a destination where you’d expect to get perfect waves, its not as easy as you’d imagine, especially in the off season. You normally have to put some serious hours in on the roads,  there are strong winds generally from the west to contend with and the surf can be small for weeks. Then of course there’s the constant lure of Kuta.

That night after checking the chart the boys decided we should have a few beers. We planned to spend only one night in Kuta and then head up to north of the island and get a few more waves before heading home.

Having spent a week in the sleepy village of Padang, Kuta comes as a massive wake up call.

The place is a bustling maze of narrow winding streets filled with restaurants, stalls, hotels, pubs, and clubs. It’s a sensory overload. The smell is indescribable, it’s a mixture of incense, tobacco, petrol and burning rubbish.

You’re instantly bombarded with offers for transport, cheap drinks, massage, clothes, etc. 

The Balinese people follow their own unique form of Hinduism and are great believers of karma, which for tourism has massive benefits. Although they are the most sincere friendly people, they seem to have very little concern for their own lives, probably because they believe that if they die their next life will be even better. You see five people, normally a whole family balanced onto one moped hammering up the road overtaking on blind corners. It’s mad!

It’s exceptionally safe (apart from the roads) and crime is extremely low. You can leave your valuables with the locals while you surf and they wouldn’t dream of stealing due to an inbuilt fear of being punished in this and the next life.

To hire a car or motorbike you don’t even need a deposit, the Balinese just seem to trust you. I got a car for a couple of days and ended up keeping it for 2 weeks with no problems or questions asked, I just left my name and paid when I returned it!

With all the locals enticing you into their shops, it can get pretty hectic and so you’ve got to be on guard at all times. I let down my defence for a second and was whisked into a shop where I was set upon by 5 women giving me a manicure and pedicure and pretty much determined to fulfil any need that I desired. Short of telling them to fuck off, there was no getting out, they are seriously good at what they do! Eventually I had to sidestep 2 and make a break for the door.

You can get anything in Kuta. If they don’t have it, they’ll get it. They’ll hop on a scooter and disappear, then reappear with the requested item.

Whilst waiting for my clothes to be washed in a laundrette, I was politely offered a magic mushroom milkshake. I kindly declined, but many don’t. You see people losing their minds sitting in the streets in the middle of the day talking to dogs or hiding in the trees looking for monkeys.

The day turned into night and then the fun begins.

The average night in Kuta goes as follows: a few cheap beers on the steps at the local shop, then onto wherever is giving away free cocktails, followed by a club - usually the Bounty. It’s usually custom to take part in a few hours of karaoke, drinking the fishbowls of arak, and then sweating it out on the dance floor on the top floor.

You see some mental sights in Kuta, there was one 13 year old  kid dressed like a rapper, covered in tattoos, playing pool. One tat stated “My Brother’s Keeper” and he claimed he was a Bra Boy, I wonder what Kobi would make of that? I asked to take his picture, and he snapped back in the worst black American accent I’ve ever heard, “how much you going to pay me man, I ain’t no joke”. I offered him a beer and he spouted “I’m 13, I don’t drink!” then walked off, all this while chain smoking cheap cigarettes. You can party in Kuta for days on end, lose all concept of time, and forget about why you came to Bali in the first place.

Booze, drugs, women, everything is ridiculously cheap and accessible, money can buy you anything. It’s like a drug habit, unless you’re strong willed your not going to say no,

the thought of two foot dribble isn’t going to be enough to get you out, its too much fun.

Clubs with pools, bungee jumps, foam parties, seedy bars filled with pissed idiots, its non stop. Before you know it its 6am you’ve been there a week and you’re leaving tomorrow. It’s like a vortex.

 A few days in the Kuta madness leaves you feeling hazed and mentally detached from reality. The only way to cope is to get back amongst it or get out, hide, and pretend you don’t know the place exists.

Although much has changed in Bali since Bob Koke, Kim Bradley and Jerry Lopez discovered Bali's secrets in the 60’s, you can still find some of more remote spots that will give you an idea of what those first western surfers experienced. Just watch out for the Kuta trap!